Dear Guillermo,

My first thought when I saw your job title was: "Well, that sounds stupid—it must be a mistake." Which was similar to the thought I had when I first heard the concept for Open Windows. But after watching the film – and looking up the definition of "documentalist" – I can say that both things, sadly, actually exist.

Let's start with the film.

Told completely through the point-of-view of a computer desktop, Open Windows tries to combine the experience of multitasking (which people do when watching a bad movie) with, well, a bad movie. It would be amazingly meta, if only it wasn't so stupid,

The film is notable for a few reasons: it's yet another low-budget/high-concept thriller starring Elijah Wood, who can't seem to get enough of these types of films lately; it also stars Sasha Grey, famous for her low-budget/low-concept/high-intensity porn. Both play to their strengths, Wood as wide-eyed, whiny geek, and Grey as a low-energy, emotionally detached rape victim.

It all starts off promisingly enough, with plenty of visual possibilities, especially compared to restricted-premise films like Buried or Locke. In this case, we have the ability to navigate between screens/scenes at a ComiCon-type conference in a hotel, before twisting into an impossibly absurd game of cat and mouse. Or, more accurately, mouse and click.

Which bring us to you. Your job, by definition, is to search databases on behalf of other users. In other words, you operate similarly to the film's mysterious villain, who keeps hacking into security cameras, cellphones, and other people's accounts to give Wood's fanboy character the perfect view of everything that's happening to his beloved starlet. What this really meant for you on set, I have no idea.

If it was doing research to understand what type of 3D rendering is possible by syncing a bag full of webcams, then I'm afraid you failed miserably. In the film's most "inventive" action sequence, the interpretation of events looks like a bad animation test for YTV's ReBoot. Or maybe you were doing more practical research: trying to find English voiceover actors for this Spanish production. Even bigger fail.

There's really nothing to recommend here, other than you need a new job. And a new title.