Dear Sarah,

I'm not into birdwatching. I mean, sure, I get pretty excited when I spot a blue jay or robin in the backyard. But to me birding seems like a whole lot of sitting around in silence, waiting for something interesting to happen.

Speaking of which, I just watched Ted Bezaire's comedy, The Birder.

The plot is as standard as the blue-breasted common grackle: a mild-mannered, zipped-up high school teacher Ron Spencer ends the school term expecting to being named as the new Head of Ornithology at a national park. However, he loses out on the position to a rival, a congenial fellow who is equal parts birder and boy-bander. After suffering the additional indignity of being kicked out of the house by his ex-wife, Ron's summer is effectively ruined. And so revenge plans are hatched. School janitors are recruited. Relationships are sabotaged. All the sort of stuff you don't have to stray far into the bush to find.

The pacing is off right from the start. Soft-spoken, low-key Ron, and his clumsy, quick-witted janitor-companion Ben are supposed to complement each other, but it felt like the actors just couldn't find a rhythm; the ensuing line-pause-reaction/line-pause-reaction becomes almost unbearable. This stilted pace ensures that punch-lines fall flat, obstacles remain undaunting and twists unshocking. There was no chance to build anticipation or intensity; I was waiting for a truck to drive through the pauses between one line of dialogue and the next.

Out of curiosity, Sarah, what were you actually called upon to do? We're given a brief explanation of one or two birding terms, but I was expecting a film about birdwatching to include more, well, bird stuff. I feel like that should be a cardinal rule. I counted one prairie falcon, one photograph of a bird, one taxidermied fowl--and that was it (unless you somehow consulted on the artwork in the opening credits). I get the impression there were a few inside jokes, but without a clearer understanding of the subculture one can't fully appreciate the lampooning of it.

Knowing this was a low-budget, independent film that featured a lot of homegrown talent, I was really rooting for The Birder. I wanted to like it. I wanted, even if just for the briefest of moments, to be psyched about birding. Unfortunately, things just didn't take flight.