By Heidi Brander

Mailed on July 24, 2014

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Dear Linda D. Flowers
Hair Department Head

Dear Linda,

There's a moment at the end of Tammy _(in the gag reel, naturally) when Melissa McCarthy's wig makes a break for it. It flies off the back of her head at a speed rivaled only by the speed with which the audience went flying out the back of the theatre at the end of the screening. 100 minutes of falling down followed by 5 minutes of _unscripted falling down? You kept McCarthy's wig glued to her head about as well as the film kept us glued to our seats.

"My secrets!" Melissa McCarthy screams, clutching her wigless scalp. Get it? Big hair is full of secrets. But what about your secrets, Linda? For instance:

How much of a salary did you command for deep-frying every strand on Melissa McCarthy's head until it resembled the wig equivalent of a cronut burger?

Did you give Susan Sarandon the exact same wig Vicki Lawrence wore on "Mama's Family" or was it simply a pre-packaged store-bought Mama's Family Halloween costume?

How do you sleep at night?

Melissa McCarthy is not Jennifer Aniston; she doesn't need to rely on her hair. That's why you're not entirely to blame for this disaster, Linda. Because while Tammy's wig certainly struggles with its tone (blonde? brunette?) it's nothing compared to the ever-changing tone of this movie. Tammy tries to be everything: a buddy comedy, a family drama, a romance, a road trip adventure. Other films - certainly _films starring Susan Sarandon - have pulled it off. But where this one strives to be _Tammy and Louise it ends up more like Tammy Boy.

(Speaking of bad wigs, have you ever worked with David Spade?)

The roots of this movie are dark (just like the wigs! AND THAT'S ON YOU, LINDA). Adultery, alcoholism, and abandonment are just some of the issues that are touched upon early on to explain Tammy and Grandma's dysfunctional behaviour. But by the time they actually get to do something funny, we know so much about their secret pain that laughing seems cruel. Watching Susan Sarandon get hammered off a Slurpee? Funny! Watching it after she shamefully admits to being an alcoholic? I cringed. And if I wanted to cringe at a movie, I'd watch my own demo reel.

At most, Tammy deserves to be a 7-minute SNL sketch. And those wigs deserve to be relegated to the sketch comedy wig graveyard alongside Massive Headwound Harry's.

Best Wigshes,


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