Dear Readers,

If you thought Parasite winning Best Picture was a surprise, just wait to see who’s ass takes home a Silver Stamp (hint: it’s not only J-Lo’s)! That’s right, we’re branding the best movies, moments, and mistakes of the year with our annual ceremony that bestows bragging rights on the recipients, and hopefully a little joy for all of you, the readers.

Best Movie Shot on an iPhone: High Flying Bird

Best iPhone Shot in a Movie: Countdown

Coolest Title of the Year: Velvet Buzzsaw

Cutest Title of the Year: Dead in a Week (Or Your Money Back)

Cruelest Title of the Year: Her Smell

Most Anticipated Liam Neeson Action Movie of the Winter: Cold Pursuit

Most Disappointing Liam Neeson Action Movie of the Winter: Cold Pursuit

Most Distracting Eyes: Rose Salazar,Alita:** Battle Angel

Most Distracting Hair: Brie Larson, Captain Marvel

Most Distracting Ass: J-Lo, Hustlers Robert Pattinson, The Lighthouse

Most Brawn per Square Inch: Triple Frontier

Most Bronzer per Square Inch:Hustlers

Blue is the Warmest Colour Award for Iconic Scissoring: Us

Best Canadian Character: Duke Kaboom, Toy Story 4

Best Canadian Caricature: Prime Minister James Steward, Long Shot

Biggest Tire Fire of a Sequel: Backdraft 2

Darkest Chapter in a Dead Franchise: Tie:** Dark Phoenix, Terminator:** Dark Fate

Brightest Light in the Music Bio Genre: Blinded by the Light

Worst Adapted Screenplay: The Goldfinch

Worst Adapted Sequel: It:** Chapter 2

Worst Adapted Star: Ben Affleck

_Most Loveable Cartoon Detective: Pokémon Detective Pikachu Knives Out

Best Beach Bum: MatthewMcCaunaughy in The Beach Bum J-Lo in Hustlers

Biggest Ass in a Movie About Dancers: J-Lo in Hustlers Drug Guy in Climax

The Unnaturally De-Aging Award: The Irishman Tie:** Matthew MaCaunaughy in Serenity and J-Lo in Hustlers

Best Superhero Costumes: Rocketman

Best Supervillain Costumes: Us

Highest Grossing Film You’ve Never Seen: The Wandering Earth ($700M world-wide)

Highest Grossing Film You Should’ve Never Seen: The Lion King

Grossest Film You Should Only See When High: The Dirt

Best Re-imagining of Beatles Music: Yesterday Jojo Rabbit

Worst Re-imagining of 70s Music: Triple Frontier

Most WTF Beginning:Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Most WTF Ending: Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood

Most WTF Everything: Serenity

B.A.B.E. of the Year (Blonde Aussie Breakout Entertainer): Samara Weaving for Ready or Not

*Previous winners include Cate Blanchette (1998), Naomi Watts (2001), Heath Ledger (2005), Chris Hemsworth (2011), Margot Robbie (2012), and Teresa Palmer (2016)

Most Surprising Twist During a Talk Show Scene: Joker Between Two Ferns: The Movie

Imperfect Achievement in Horror: The Perfection

Special Achievement in the Art of Racing in the Rain: The Art of Racing in the Rain Ford v Ferrari

Best Car-Based Rivalry: Hobbs & Shaw Ford v Ferrari

Best Car-Based Team-Up: Hobbs & Shaw The Highwaymen

Best Car-Based Excuse to Extend a Franchise:_Hobbs & Shaw El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie

Best Pointless Car Chase: Hobbs & Shaw Knives Out

Worst Use of a Chinese Restaurant: It: Chapter 2

Best Use of a Chinese Restaurant: The Farewell

Unplanned Breakout at the Box-Office: Unplanned

Unplanned Non-breakout at the Box Office: The Stuber

We Missed Will Smith Award: Aladdin

He Missed Will Smith Award: Gemini Man

She Missed Will Smith Award: Men in Black: International

Best Metaphor for Wanting a Break-Up: Midsommar

Best Metaphor for Wanting a Divorce: Ready or Not

Best Metaphor for Wanting an Oscar: Marriage Story

Most Misleading Title: The Laundromat

Most Mistitled Lead: The Last Black Man in San Francisco

8th Annual Award for Excellence in Being Roger Deakins: Roger Deakins, 1917

Award for proving Rian Johnson right: Knives Out Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Worst reveal of a major plot development: The title crawl of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Palpatine’s broadcasts in Fortnite

Worst story fake-out (spoilers for Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker): Chewie’s death C3P0’s deactivation Kylo Ren’s Death #1 Kylo Ren’s Death #2 Rey’s Death The expectation of competent storytelling in a Star Wars movie

The Guys-Just-Admit-It’s-Not-Gonna-Work Award: Terminator: Dark Fate